Relationships can be extremely hectic sometimes. In as much as we find genuine happiness when we’re in love, there can be situations where love or relationships, in general, would appear worthless and useless. In this case, some are lucky enough to meet their befitting soulmates whilst others spend their entire life trying until they find them. Either way, the goal is to find that person who brings happiness into our lives. At least, once in an ordinary person’s life, we Involved ourselves in relationships that last not longer than a year. That was not meant to be.
Sometimes too, we find ourselves in a relationship where we are constantly hurt by our partner. These hurtful actions could be intentional or not. This is because people of today do not have time to check up on the way to keep a relationship up and kicking. All we are mostly concerned about is living a loved life.
So the question before us is;
Does Your Partner Hurt Your Feelings?
Being hurt here is not related to physical violence or abuse. The act of being hurt in a relationship can be a norm but when it exceeds a particular limit, that’s when it’s too much to take. At least, once in a while, conflict could tickle the relationship but it is up to you, the lovers to know how to control your temper and words when dealing with such issues. Sometimes, you’ll know why you’re being hurt occasionally by your partner but at times too, you’d have no idea why it’s happening. Either way, there is something you can do about it.
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What To Do If Your Partner Hurts You
Stay Calm and Analyze
When you feel hurt by your partner, the best thing to do is keep low and calm for at least a while before making any further steps. Don’t try to act rudely, harshly or violently without having the patient know what happened or what is happening with your partner. Sometimes, we fail to think that, he or she might have issues with themselves, work and people around them without you knowing. So it is best that, if we realise a sudden change in our partners, quickly reacting to the problem will only worsen the situation but taking time off the grid to analyze the situation will best help. It might even shock you that, your partner’s frustration or sudden change is caused by emotional stress or even he or she might be depressed.
Also, when you plan to tell someone that they’ve hurt you, it is best to stay calm and face the issue. You should know that it is possible to feel angry when you are upset as a result of being hurt but it’s also very important to know that, you don’t want to mess it up. To keep everything smooth and fit, you should rather choose calmness over violence. Don’t use that as an opportunity to spill filthy or hurtful words on them all in the name of hurting them back. This won’t resolve the problem.
Don’t Act as If Everything Is Ok
When you do this, you’re only causing more harm to yourself both emotionally and mentally. Maybe your reason for keeping it closed is because you do not want to make your partner feel uncomfortable or angry for having been hurt. It happens, but in as much as you’re trying to save your relationship, why don’t you save yourself first? It is good that we do everything in our power to maintain the strength and stability of our relationships but not to the extent of killing ourselves for it.
You should speak up about what’s going on. If you keep quiet, it will happen again and again. When this continues, you might end up losing yourself and your partner in general. Your partner needs to know what he or she has done wrong or right so that, they can make possible adjustments to their lives with you.
Focus On How You Feel
Your feeling should be exhibited with great caution. Attacking your partner violently, will not solve the problem. Instead, put the focus on hour feeling. This will help your partner pay close attention to what you’ve to say. Emotionally, they might have hurt your feelings by accident, so they could deny your allegations. But that shouldn’t be a problem. Instead of trying to prove your partner wrong by his actions, concentrate on your feelings towards her or her actions. This will make your partner feel less attacked. Concentrating the entire issue on your feelings can easily help you better communicate your emotions to your partner for their utmost understanding.
If you feel he or she is doing something wrong that tends to hurt you, speak up, tell them how you feel about it, why you feel and what you want them to do about it. Speaking about it helps you find better solutions to it than keeping quiet about it. This universally gives your partner information about how you feel about certain things. It also gives your partner room for modification of his or her behaviour for your safety and happiness.
Don’t Be Judgemental
Don’t appear to know what is going on if you’ve not asked your partner about their actions. If you end up guessing what might be the problem, you’d end up messing up with the whole issue. What you might be thinking is the problem might necessarily not be it. To know why the student change or why he or she is hurting you, approach them with your worries and find out what the problem is.
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Explain How You’re Hurt But Don’t Blame Them
As said previously, your partner can hurt your feelings without him or her knowing about it. So it is best to face it with the calmest tone and approach. Most people when hurt, exhibit strange behaviour. This mostly ends violently or in a breakup. When your explanation is transparent and well structured, your partner will be more willing to have an open conversation with you based on your complaints. You should not be overly sensitive or pessimistic about your feeling. Because, another way around, your partner might also have no idea what might be your problem. So instead of harshly attacking the problem, try to speak with a low tone, calm and openly. Express yourself without having to blame your partner. If you can be compassionate and have control over your actions, there is a higher chance that the issue would be resolved in good faith. While you are hurt, there is an inner force that infuses violence in your ears, but it is very important to handle your partner with maximum care and attentiveness.
Don’t be full of pride or afraid to tell your partner that “you hurt me”. Open up a conversation and let your feelings speak for themselves, after all, you deserve the best and your partner would want you to have that. When you feel you’re being hurt over and over again, it is best to rethink the relationship before it destroys your life. Nevertheless, if this is only happening for lesser times, have time, sit with your partner and take yourselves through this.
What To Do If You Hurt Your Partner
1. Take responsibility for your actions
To accept responsibility for your actions without escalating the issue; you could say phrases such as;
“I’m sorry I did or say that you”
“What I did was totally wrong, forgive me for my actions”
“I take blames for my actions”. (Continue To READ)
2. Don’t act or feel bossy
Acting bossy will only worsen the situation. Even though you might want to show your power in the relationship, but you should put yourselves first before any other thing. (Continue To READ)
3. Exhibit an act of remorse (show that you are sorry)
Not just words that mean nothing. Your emotions should speak volumes of your utterances. You must be truthful and honest with your apologies. Identify your mistakes and accept that, what you did was wrong and you are not bigger than making changes to sustain the relationship. (Continue To READ)
4. Be truthful and transparent
…telling the truth, which can be very hard to do, is the best way to resolve an issue in a relationship. Even if the truth will hurt much worse than she feels, do it. Take the risk. If she doesn’t appreciate your honesty today, she will have some time to come. (Continue To READ)
5. Learn from what had happened
Petty mistakes can be illfare to relationships. Therefore, it is vital to learn from your mistakes and never go back to them again. Always remember what nearly caused you the relationship and be sure to never repeat that. (Continue To READ From Link Below)
Poet Nazir is a writer and an editor here on ThePoetsHub. Outside this space, he works as a poet, screenwriter, author, relationship adviser and a reader. He is also the founder & lead director of PNSP Studios, a film production firm.
